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  • June 2010
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He’s Trying to Kill Me

The Man is. I swear it. 

This weekend was eventful. We cleaned up the garage and took 900 pounds of trash to the dump. No joke, they weighed it. We ripped out some plants that were fugly. I shopped and lunched with Michelle’s beautiful bridesmaids and got an awesome purple bridesmaid dress! Helped (watched) the set up for the Service Master truck at a golf outing. A truck? Yes, it was like a tour bus. Possibly the coolest truck I’ve ever seen. We also bought bikes. 

I’m sorry, what? 

We bought bikes! 

The Man has been saying we should get bikes for a while, like over a year. I have always replied with, “we’ll talk about it” or “maybe” or “yeah that would be fun, I guess”. Always followed by the quickest subject change you’ve ever seen. 

Then he gave me an ultimatum, we have to work out 5 hrs a week before I can buy another book. I sat there staring out the window thinking desperately of ways that I could get out of this. I know that he seriously won’t hold me to it but that I will never hear the end of it if I don’t. So I took what I thought would be the easiest route and said, “Lets get bikes!!!” 

By the way, Bike Line with your $400 hybrid road/trail bike in shiny gold, bite me. 

I even suffered the Walmarts for this bike. Its purdy. 

New Garage Decoration

 

It’s not that fugly pink either. It’s fabulous and PURPLE! Each store we went to I simply looked for the best color and said, “that’ll do”. The Man was more specific in his hunt, which is the only reason we didn’t get them at the Big K. 

It’s got shocks and shiz for when I’m powering down mountain sides or not turning hard enough and falling off the curb, whichever happens to be my riding style. 

I was pondering my helmet decision and how I was going to rig one with a face guard when the Man firmly stated he would not be purchasing a helmet. 

I say, “What?!? It’s the Law, duder. You have to wear a helmet.” 

“No, you don’t. And I’m not”, he firmly informs me. 

Well, shoot! That means I’m not either. I refuse to look more absurd than him. If he’s not wearing a helmet then he’s obviously not going to go for elbow and knee pads either. Thats when I got suspicious. He’s planning my demise! Unreal! I mean I know he runs out of underwear more than he probably should but really I feel this can be worked through. 

I began to calm down greatly when I realized the purchase of a bike does not necessarily mean the USE of a bike and I just bought a book. I have time to figure this out! 

Anyways, we took them for a spin around the block last night and I remember why I hate bikes. They hurt the butt. Seriously hurt the butt. Around the block once and today my tush is feeling bruised and I’m expected to spend an hour on this thing a night. I’m now planning my own demise. 

So I’m on a hunt for bike shorts. Uh huh, you know the ones spandex with the 3 inch thick silicone pad in the ass. Oh yes, my friends, I’m going there. To be worn underneath pants of course. If I don’t, that sucker isn’t leaving the garage again. I’m getting the Man a pair too. 

After I figure out the whole riding without falling or wobbling thing I’m going to figure out a way to tie my dogs to the bike. 2 birds 1 stone.

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One Response

  1. almost p’d my pants reading this…

    What to say?…..ummm…good luck?!?!

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