• My Love and I

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  • May 2010
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The Forgotten Wasteland

That is our back “yard” could no longer be forgotten.

Last year we bought a patio set (to sit on our non-existant patio) and threw the styrofoam, box and bags that wrapped everything up in the back “yard”. I swore I would get it the next day. By the end of the night that box held tons of beer cans.
By the end of the next month, that box held all the ripped up plantings from the garden we redid.

By the end of 6 months it held grass clippings from the fall and a rattler or two.

Finally at the end of 10 months the box was in pieces; it was home to more than a rattler or two, held about 15 bajillion pine cones, rocks, slugs, spiders the size of your head and weeds so thick they needed a saw to cut through.

Ok, there really weren’t rattlers and the spiders weren’t quite that big but I really did have to use a saw on a weed.

It looked like this…

The Before Grossness


Oh it’s bad

 We were “THAT” house on the block. You know every neighborhood has one. It’s messy and unkempt. I knew the neighbors were talking. No one could actually see the back yard because of our neighbors 6 ft solid fence but they were still whispering about us, I know it’s true.

I don’t know what came over me Saturday morning, what possessed me to take on a project of this magnitude while the Man was golfing! GOLFING! Seriously. A relaxing game of golf while I toil away with poisonous beasts of the earth?

Yeah, that’s not quite how it happened. As most of my big projects go I woke up at 8 and decided it was going to happen.

As the man was leaving he was dis-believing. He didn’t think there was anyway in heck I was going to do that mess on my own. Even with gloves I’m a real pansy with dirt. I’m sure he thought I would start it but as soon as something moved or I broke a nail I would walk away.

I didn’t though. Armed with my brand spankin new gardening gloves, gloves I’m sure the Man never thought would see actual dirt, I kept going. Shoveling and raking until finally…

The After
The Garbage Men Are Going to Hate Me

I found a drain by the back door too! Hopefully now that it has been unearthed it will do its job and keep the water out of my darned basement!

Since the back “yard” wasn’t enough of an accomplishment for me. I called my pops to tell me how to turn on the lawn mower and mowed the whole yard for the first time in my life. Well maybe not the “whole” yard, I missed a few spots.

The mower ran out of gas as well and since I was on a roll with success Saturday morning, I knew I could handle it. So I went to the garage, pulled out a gas can, found the gas picture on the mower and poured away. I should have put the gas can away but I forgot. The man saw it. Here is our conversation,

Him: “What did you need that gas can for?”

Me: “The mower stopped working I figured it needed gas”

Him: “Where did you put the gas?”

Me: “I’m not dumb, Paul. I put it in the hole that had a cap with a picture of gas”

Him: “and the mower contiued to work”

Me: “DUH dude that’s totally obvi since ALL the grass is cut. Why can you never just say good job? I totally rocked the yard today, I don’t need your grief. I thought I was helping and you are on my shiz like I don’t know how to put gas in something.”

Him: “I’m sorry. You did do a good job. You are sure the mower ran fine afterwards”

Me: “ZOMG yes I’m sure. Its not that complicated”

Him: “that wasn’t gas”

Me: “HUH?”

Him: “It was the gas/oil mixture for the weed wacker”

Me: “HUH?”

Him: “yeah”

Me: “Shit!”

We learned later that I probably didn’t kill our mower but we shouldn’t do it again. Something about burning the motor out. I don’t know, it doesn’t really matter to me. I didn’t find mowing all that enticing, I doubt I’ll be doing it again.


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