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  • April 2010
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2x4s Aren’t Really 2x4s

When the Man and I first moved into our home we had a hodge-podge of furniture. Nothing really matched but we aren’t of the picky variety and we didn’t care too much.

After the living & dining rooms was completed we started talking about the master bedroom. We held off but continued to search the webs and random stores looking for sets we liked. We finally found one, it was on the cheaper side but was exactly what we wanted for the time being. We just didn’t have the funds and knew we were only looking for something to last a few years or so.

We aren’t cheap and we aren’t broke but listen people…a bone simulator costs $1200 out-of-pocket after insurance. When you have a broken bone, that won’t grow and you’ve already been in a boot for 4 months with no sign of bone growth and when the decision comes down to a cheaper bedroom set or chopping off your foot, you go with the cheaper bed.

Speaking of, anyone trying to grow some bone? I know someone out there has got to have a broken bone that won’t heal. I should probably look into the legality of selling a major medical device.

Or you wait. But patience isn’t my thing. I find it quite tedious to wait. And like I said we aren’t planning on having it for more than a few years. My decorating tastes change like the weather.

Fast forward to 2 months ago, I roll over and all of sudden there is a loud boom and I’m slowly sliding toward the headboard. Yes, slowly, things as big as me don’t really “slide” quickly. I’m near tears, it’s because I can’t find my feet. I broke a solid wood bed rail.

So at 12:00am we are taking apart the bed and moving pieces into the guest room. We put the mattress and box spring on the floor. The next morning I actually looked at what had happened and realized there was a manufactures defect with the rail. The company replaced.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago and we are out-of-town, the bedroom window is leaking. I tell the Little to pull the bed away from the wall to keep the mattress and wood dry. She does. We return home and wouldn’t you know the freaking feet on the slats that support the box spring are snapped. WTH!!!

We slept like mummies to two days; afraid that any movement would cause the bed to collapse. This time the company said they would replace the feet but the bed shouldn’t be moved. WTH!!! I can’t move my furniture?

So we went to Home Depot, bought some 2×4’s and rigged the bed.

See that little leg at the very bottom off to the right. That’s what snapped. Part of the problem is that our floors are uneven so the leveler on the bottom of the feet have to be extended and then some don’t even touch the floor. It was disaster waiting to happen.

Tell me that’s not freaking ridiculous.

Note please, that 2x4s are not precise. They are more like 2 1/4 x 3 3/4. When you need 8.15 (ish) inches of wood you may think that 2 stacked 2x4s and a shim will do. You will be wrong.

Also be aware that a 2×4 is the strongest material to have ever met our drill.

It ate the screw head. And still didn’t go through the wood.

When my dad was over doing our cabinets he asked the Man to hand him our “screw gun”. The Mans only power tool. It was a low blow. The Man did not like his DRILL being called a screw gun. Thus I found myself at Sears Hardware inspecting DRILLS. Big powerful ones.

Somehow going for a real drill turned into getting 2 power saws as well. The one with the round blade that spins really fast and threatens fingers and hands, it might be circular saw. The one is the type with the long ruler like blade that power saws back and forth and to and fro and threatens the other hands fingers. I do know the name of it, I know I know the name of it because when my pops brought his to the house and told me to go get it, using it’s proper name, I went and came back with the right item. I just can’t for the life of me remember it. I know I think it’s named wrong though.

I think he got a light or something too. I don’t’ know. I stopped paying attention when I saw the circle blade.

I shouldn’t really let him see all my dads toys because he always finds something “that we could use”.

It’s a good thing we got the saws though because as previously stated a 2×4 is full of false advertisement and aren’t really 4 inches. We had to cut the edges off the beams to wedge under the slats to make them high enough.

Alls well that ends well and should I ever get the urge to jump on the bed like a 3yr old I don’t have to worry about it falling apart.

Not that I’ll try it or anything!

Now that so much work has been put into this bedroom set, it’s no longer just for a few years. It’s a lifer. I do not do that much manual labor for “a few years”. By “I” obviously I mean The Man.

I’m a fabulous spectator. I sing. I skip. I inspect and direct!

I bet if I could find my feet this never would have happened.

On the plus side though, the Man has power tools and I have a bed with enough support for me, the Man, both dogs, another dog or two (should I successfuly convince him that it’s the right thing to do).

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